Infinite Monkeys News
January 9, 2012

We're pleased to offer a new non-fiction item by M. Wheeler, titled "There's a Feeling." Please check it out for a personal look at perception and brain chemistry!

January 8, 2012

Infinite Monkeys is happy to bring you a new poem by Ginger Mensik, Winter Rose. It's accompanied by a fantastic photo, so please take a look!

December 6, 2011

Infinite Monkeys is happy to present another fine poetry selection by Maria Florencia Arrechea. Entitled "Luna", you can reach it from the Poetry home page or Maria's Author page. Please take a moment to read it!

November 4, 2011

Today Infinite Monkeys Publishing brings you an endearing new poem by Ginger Mensik, Are You My Aunt Ginger? Please take a look in the Poetry section to enjoy the fun!

Are You an Author?

If you are interested in learning about publication opportunities with Infinite Monkeys, please visit our Author Information Page.

Infinite Monkeys Publishing

Welcome to Infinite Monkeys Publishing! We exist to bring readers quality fiction, non-fiction, humor, and poetry that might be impossible to otherwise find. We also exist to help authors reach readers without going two out of three falls with the traditional publishing industry, and without selling a sister to the carnival in order to self-publish. We publish exclusively via this website and invite you to browse it at your leisure. At Infinite Monkeys Publishing there is never any charge for browsing our authors' offerings. If you enjoy yourself and want to compensate an author for his or her work that would be charming, and it would certainly earn you a place in heaven, or at least on a beach in Fiji. If you want to carry away something from this site, PDF versions of our authors' works may be purchased for a nominal charge. We thought about selling versions in FORTRAN, but that's a little too esoteric even for us. (For those who aren't devotees of obscure computer facts, FORTRAN is a dead computer language, just like Sumerian is a dead real person language. However, we're pretty sure that people once dreamt in Sumerian, while only a few twisted souls have dreamt in FORTRAN.)

At any rate, please enjoy the Infinite Monkeys Publishing site. We'd love to hear any suggestions you have for us, and to make suggestions simply Contact Us. Our authors, like all creative people, are insecure and socially awkward, so they absolutely live for the feedback they receive about their work. If you would like to offer them commentary, please just Contact Them through the Publisher, who will forward them only the comments guaranteed to break their hearts.

Learn more about the Infinite Monkeys Publishing Mission


I Remember When Pessimism Was Fun - A Publisher's Note

I’ve decided that pessimism has been given a bad name by Big Damn Whiners. Now, I’m sure that pessimists like me indeed die younger than our optimist friends. We’re not as happy either, as I think objective evidence like frowning and the compulsion to create unnecessary spreadsheets demonstrates. But the joy of pessimism has been ruined by all those people who cry about every little thing like they were piglets with their foot caught in a fence.

The traditional pessimist/optimist analogy involves the half full glass. As you know, the optimist sees the glass half full, and the pessimist sees it half empty. Big Damn Whiners jump up and down and moan on Facebook because there probably won’t be any enchanted fairy nectar in the glass. Then they want a hug and somebody to waste part of their precious life playing Farmville with them, just to keep them from whining any more. Yet they get lumped in with pessimists.

By the way, optimists have the same problem on the other end. Optimism has been almost ruined by an infestation of Human Cocker Spaniels. Going back to the glass analogy, Human Cocker Spaniels bounce around and send a barrage of tweets about how they’ll never be thirsty again and how the glass might hold magic water that would let them turn into a well-endowed vampire mermaid with wings. But that’s the optimists’ problem, so to hell with them.

I’d like to see Big Damn Whiners split off from pessimists into their own category, much like the Emmy Awards have grouped reality shows into separate categories so they won’t pollute the other TV programs. I don’t mind being seen as cynical, doubtful, and suspicious, because that comes along with almost always being right—or at least more right than the optimists. I do mind being labeled as a self-centered, hectoring cry baby. That just sucks. Come on, who’s going to get laid more: cynical, suspicious Han Solo, or self-centered, whiny C3PO? If your answer is C3PO, this may not be the right blog for you.

In the end, I realize that only pessimists care about this distinction, and as a pessimist, I acknowledge that not even pessimists care enough to do a damn thing about it. Changing the way people think about this would take a lot of effort, and not that many people would buy into it anyway, and then they’d get distracted by a video of frolicking goats that’s not as cute as the video of frolicking giraffes, and heck, all that effort would be better spent on something like promoting home gardening anyway, right? So, to hell with it. I’ll eat another cookie and update my retirement planning spreadsheet.

Sometimes being a pessimist is so easy. No matter what the Big Damn Whiners say.

Browse Previous Publisher's Notes


Random Cool Quote of the Day

To do our part in promoting culture and reflective thought, Infinite Monkeys Publishing brings you Random Cool Quotes. We update our quotes every Wednesday.

"The philosophy 'in for a penny, in for a pound' can be quite challenging to maintain, however the rewards may also be well worth the endeavor."

—Sharon W. Helms

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Fiction at Infinite Monkeys!

Please sample any of these fiction selection here at Infinite Monkeys Publishing—and please leave comments so we know what you think!

Fiction Selections





Maria Florencia Arrechea

When you enter the world of the unknown, how ready are you to deal with the allures that will be presented to you? Will you leave your fears and pre-conceptions behind, or will you let them scare you away?

In the shade

Maria Florencia Arrechea

A creature of immense beauty and young in years, goes astray in the human world to the dismay of her family. When everything seemed lost, she found the meaning of life in the core of her mother's heart.


Maria Florencia Arrechea

A guardian, a lover, a servant. The story of how the Wind got to know the suffering of mere humans and lost more than he expected.

Sidruthain and the Boy

Patricia Ash

On his way home, young Oligan meets a stranger who claims to be a legendary wizard. When they reach his farm, the boy discovers his family asleep and suffering from a mysterious curse.

Iron Arden: The Christmas Chapters

Patricia Ash

We present a 2 chapter excerpt from Patricia Ash's upcoming novel, "Iron Arden." Synopsis: Lieutenant Reginald Arden has returned home to his parents' house just in time for Christmas.  His recent actions have caused the papers to label him a hero, though he feels anything but heroic.  The year is 1799.  The place is Portsmouth, England.  Fred is a monkey.

Progress Sasha Brody Elliot wants to be left alone and his pushy neighbor won't take no for an answer—he'll have to do it the hard way.

Black Rook-7 Chapter 1

Matthew Carson

Special operations sniper Black Rook-7 undertakes his first mission in the Pacific on behalf of the Republic of Southern California.

Black Rook-7 Chapter 2 "End of the Beginning"

Matthew Carson

On the day he is publicly honored for bravery, Rook faces a choice that will determine his future.

Black Rook-7 Chapter 3 "Downfall"

Matthew Carson

Rook, now in corporate security, is betrayed and fights a desperate battle for the lives of his charges...and his own.

Innocence and Blood

Matthew Carson

Sir Vincent Moncreiffe details his trial by fire at the Battle of Pavia.

A Prayer to Mars - Prologue

Michael A. Cessna

Earth has fallen. Can the forces of High Chin and New Rome retake their home world — or will their mutual distrust betray them?

A Prayer to Mars - Chapter 1

Michael A. Cessna

"...The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, because it always seems like a good idea at the time..."

Fn = Fn-1 + Fn-2 (Read This Story...)

Allee Etheridge

How does the universe view mathematics?  Where one cycle ends, another begins - if, indeed, they are separate cycles at all.

My Favorite Cataclysm
Bill McCurry Jaret Chandler's brother drags him out of bed and into a midnight meeting with certain death. But is the Universe willing to put up with this crap?

The Internet Pioneers

Bill McCurry

In the misty dawn of the Internet, these denizens stumbled through a harsh new way of reaching out to other people. Read about their ideas, feelings, and impractical imaginings, all preserved for history in their own words.

Armageddon in a Hottub

Ginger Mensik

An afternoon of yardwork, interrupted by an impromptu tryst in the hottub, manifests fertility in a way this young couple could never have expected!

The Woods are Dark and Deep

Charles Suddeth

"There's something lurking in the woods, and it's definitely not friendly!"

Cavi, A novel about Italy - Chapters 1 - 4

Laura P. Valtorta

Cavi — a novel about Italy, explores what it means to be a foreigner in your spouse's native country. Laura Molinari, an American lawyer, makes peace with small-town Italy by helping to discover the murderer of a local business owner.

Fn = Fn-1 + Fn-2 (Read This Story...)

A.E. Wesolowski

How does the universe view mathematics?  Where one cycle ends, another begins - if, indeed, they are separate cycles at all.
















































Today's Vicious Epithet

To do our part in promoting civility through mutually assured destruction, Infinite Monkeys Publishing brings you Vicious Epithets. These are updated every Monday, unless we feel like messing with you.

Jerk-Tongued Toad

"That Jerk-Tongued Toad could insult an iron fence post and never even know it."

submitted by Frank Pemberton

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